One Step Forward... Ten Steps Back...

Amber and I did not have a good ride today. I rode up to the indoor with Heather, and the indoor makes Amber nervous (or makes me nervous and in turn makes her nervous) Well we were up there for a bit and I just felt tense. So I asked Heather if we could go back down to the outdoor. So she left the indoor first and Amber followed well Amber started having a little temper tantrum that Heidi was walking away. I know I should have just relaxed and pushed her through it but instead I got tense and sucked back and took hold of her. So instead of continuing to go forward she started going backwards, sideways, throwing small bucks, and spinning. At that point my nerves were shot so I jumped off of her (which I know I should not have done, I understand this) and walked her the rest of the way to the outdoor where I lunged her for 5 minutes and then got back on and just walked her around for about 10 minutes focusing on relaxing and breathing, then rode her back down to the barn. I know that bad days happen but its days like this that make me wonderful if I'll ever get over my anxiety issues with Amber, and if we'll ever get back to where we used to be what seems like a million years ago...

I haven't spent much time with Rayna since she got to the barn. I'm hoping to spend some time with her tomorrow, depending on what time I end up getting to the barn. I'm not going to lie I am super nervous about getting back on her. I haven't ridden her in 2 months, easily. The last person on her was the owner of the last barn we were at, she was a star, I don't know why I'm so nervous about getting back on her. I got her a great new bit,  and a new saddle and I think we'll be ok I just need to buck up the courage and just freaking get on her!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I rode Amber again today! She was really good. I focused on being calm and relaxed in the saddle and we just worked on circles, loops, diagonals, and some legs yielding on a loose rein at the walk and trot. She was relaxed and responsive and I actually had a lot of fun riding her. On the way back down to the barn from the arena the horses in one of the fields started acting up and my first reaction was to tense up and expect her to act up. As soon as I tensed up she started getting jittery and nervous, so I took a deep breath, lengthened the reins and forced myself to relax, as soon as I did that she relaxed and walked happily the rest of the way to the barn.

I hope I'm doing the right thing, giving her yet another chance. Einstein said (supposedly) that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That means that this time I need to somehow do something differently so Amber and I don't keep falling back into the same pattern that we've been in for the last 4 or 5 years. She really is a good horse, and I really can handle her, I just need to learn to have more faith in her and more faith in myself.

In other exciting news Rayna has been picked up by my friend who is shipping her to Kentucky for me, she will be spending the night at my friends barn and they will be leaving tomorrow at the crack of dawn! Rayna should be arriving in Kentucky tomorrow evening! I'm excited! I've missed her and I can't wait to see her again. 

Courage is Being Scared to Death and Saddling up Anyway

So I did it, I got on Amber again. It's been months since I was on that horses back. And I'll admit it felt nice to be back on a horse that has some training under it's girth. The ride started out well enough, We rode from the bottom barn all the way to the indoor, she was forward and happy. Once we got to the indoor she was a little spooky but nothing bad, her spooks are easy enough to sit to. I started trotting figure eights and circles and serpentine's with her and got her nice and relaxed and on the bit. Then I made the mistake of asking her to canter, when neither of us were probably really ready to be cantering together again. She picked it up like a star, we did about half a circle and she did a small "I feel good" buck, and then broke gait back to a trot.

Naturally me being the chicken shit that I am, tensed up after that, and when I asked her to canter again she reacted to my tense body and tight grip on the reins by throwing her heading, jumping sideways and spinning. She hates when I hold her face like that, and I don't realize I'm doing it, its a natural reaction when I'm nervous. So we fell apart for a bit, then I got her trotting figure eights again and got her soft again at the trot. Then we went on a mini trail ride, she was up but good. I know I'm a good enough rider to handle her, I don't know why she makes me so nervous!

Yeah she can be a bit of a spazz sometimes, but with consistent work she really is a good, and fun horse to ride! She used to be fantastic, we used to have such a good relationship, and she never used to be spooky, I was trail riding her solo when she was 4 years old. I know in my heart her spooky behavior is a reflection of my spooky behavior, I really need to decide what I'm doing with this horse, I feel like at this point, after everything her and I have gone through, that it would be stupid to give up now. If I sold her and shopped for something else, I would be shopping for something just like her.

In other horsey news, Rayna will be here Saturday August 8, Her new saddle (A gorgeous 19" dressage saddle) was waiting for me when I got here on Saturday, I cannot wait to try it on her. I think going the dressage route with Rayna is smart (and of course some trail riding) Shes a good mover, and even if we never get past Intro it will still be a lot of fun. Her new bit should be arriving soon so I'll have everything ready when she arrives. I really can't wait for Rayna to get here, now that I have some real time to work with her! I need to get her back on track.