Looking Ahead! Hello 2016!

Well since we're only 4 days away from the new year I figured it was time to gather my thoughts and right down my horse goals for 2016.


Rayna: 

• Be more consistent in our rides. We will never accomplish any of our other goals if I can't get out there and ride her 4 to 5 days a week. 
• Get her feathers back to looking nice again and keep them that way this time to prevent scratches and other issues
• Get her bending and using her hind end consistently instead of her just rushing through the bridle when asked to turn or change gait. 
• Continue working on her mounting issues and fear of objects being put on her back. She was doing really well with consistent work but then I slacked off and the difference is obvious. 
• Ride her in 2 schooling and 1 recognized dressage show, riding in Intro A and/or Intro B

Penny: 

• Get her back in shape slowly. 
• Get shoes back on her and start getting her feet back in good shape
• Show her in a schooling show in the summer on the flat.
• Have her ready to take her to octoberfest at the horse park in either the green as grass combined test or a green starter horse trial. 

Sabrina: 

• Teach her to stand on crossties
• Teach her to stand for the farrier
• Figure out what she knows and what she doesn't. She'll be starting professional training as of the beginning of January, so we'll take it from there.
• Begin trail riding her.

The Little Red Mare who Changed my World

On a warm April day some 4 years ago I took my big bay Percheron cross Amber for a ride like I'd done a thousand times in the 3 years I'd owned her. The ride started well like any other, she was being fabulous! We picked up the canter, got half way around the arena and suddenly my horse wasn't underneath me anymore, she lost her footing, she couldn't catch herself and she went down, She threw me forward and flipped. When we landed I was laying on the ground with her hind legs flailing over my head. I rolled out from underneath her and went and made sure she was ok. We were both ok. She had some scrapes on her nose and face, my chest and stomach were scraped up but there was no lasting damage, at least I didn't think there was. I didn't know at that point that when I hit the ground that day, something did break, something that no doctor, or rest, or medicine could heal. That day when my horse fell out from underneath me and my body hit the dirt, my confidence broke, my faith in myself broke, they snapped right in half, and my love for horses now had some cracks as well.

It wasn't my first fall, and it wasn't my last, and I've asked myself many times over the last few years, why that fall? Why was that the moment that everything started to go south? Why was that the straw that broke the camels back? Why that fall? And I may never know... But I do know that moment not only ripped my confidence apart, it damaged the relationship I had with that horse beyond repair. I fought it out with her for 3 more years, we had some decent moments together but mostly we fed off of each other and our rides got worse and worse. It got so bad at one point, and my nerves were so shot that if she gave even the smallest sign that she was possibly thinking of spooking at something I would have a full blown anxiety attack and get off of her crying. I would go for weeks or months without riding, I didn't enjoy it anymore, I was starting to fall out of love with horses.

Then a year ago a new equine came into my life. She was a big beautiful registered Clydesdale with a white face, a roman nose and 4 perfect white feathered legs. Rayna was the very definition of my dream horse, she perfect, and she was totally untrained in the ways of riding she had been an Amish broodmare and then a driving horse... I bought her anyway. Maybe not the smartest move for someone with such severe confidence issues, but something about that mare started to heal me. She had her share of issues for sure but I found myself more willing to go to the barn and be with the horses then I had been in a long time. Unfortunately while that mare started to heal my love for horses, working with her was having a damaging effect on my faith in my own abilities, no matter what I did she really wasn't improving, I was losing faith in myself again and once again found myself going to the barn less and less. Plus I still had Amber and I was still completely uncertain about what to do with her,

About 5 months ago I moved from my home in New York to the beautiful bluegrass state of Kentucky. Little did I know that moving would be the first step in finding Amber her human soulmate and finding me my Horsey soulmate. Amber is now living the life with my good friend Megan who is helping the mare reach her full potential, something I had never been able to do. They are doing fabulous together and are a force to be reckoned with, and I, well I am perfectly happy to watch them from the sidelines and cheer then on!!

As for me I was still struggling between loving horses and being afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, and afraid of not being good enough to accomplish my goals. Then a little over a month ago I was approached by a woman who was desperate to find a home for a horse who was going to be put down if no one would take her. The horse was a 19 year old chestnut appendix QH mare named Penny. She was arthritic, she was horribly out of shape and she hadn't been ridden in over 2 years. Her owners were older, the man was ill and they could no longer care for her. They didn't want to send her off to an unknown fate so if they couldn't find the perfect home for her they were going to have her humanely euthanized. I really wasn't in a position to take on another horse I already had my clydesdale and my mule that I had recently rescued from a kill pen. But I couldn't get that little red mare off of my mind. Finally after lots of thinking I agreed to take her on a temporary basis and find her a good home.

Penny arrived 3 weeks ago. And the amount of healing I've done in those 3 weeks nothing short of a miracle. That little red mare has changed my world. I finally have a horse that I trust 110% and I can feel my confidence starting to stitch itself back together, I can feel my faith becoming whole again. She's filling the cracks in my love for horses that were put there the day me and Amber hit the ground. I am falling in love with horses all over again. This little red mare and I have spent so much time walking around and exploring, shes very out of shape, I'm very out of shape and we're taking it slow, almost 3 weeks of riding 4 to 5 times a week and we just started small trots during our rides. She is still quite stiff and has been started on joint and hoof supplements which will take some time to get in to her body and start working, But she's getting there.

I am also riding Rayna again and I feel far better about her and my abilities to train her then I ever have. Even when she tried to buck my butt off at the caner yesterday it didn't phase me and we just kept on working. Last night at dusk I rode Penny bareback out to her field, and my friend commented that in that light I looked like I was back on my first horse, Phoenix (my equine soulmate) again. Bareback rides at dusk were one of my favorite things to do with Phoenix and in that moment I knew, I knew that Penny had been sent to me to heal me. Maybe Phoenix sent her, or my Nana, but that horse surely was sent by angels somewhere, I'm excited to go to the barn again, I'm excited about my future with them again. I want to show Rayna, I'm excited instead of anxious about training her. I love horses again and I owe it all to a little red mare named Penny who showed up in my life at just the right time.

We've Come This Far, Don't You Be Scared Now....

Well things have been going really well with Amber, and I figured it was about time I updated!! Last Sunday we had an outstanding ride, absolutely outstanding. Amber was responsive, light, and listening. I felt comfortable and confident, it was wonderful! Then monday rolls around and I go to ride her again, but this time it was a completely less then stellar ride. She was agitated and spooky, I tried to ride it out as best I could but I could feel myself getting agitated and spooky. And when I get nervous I lean forward, or pull on her face, or tense up really bad. I've been doing a lot better lately, and I mean a lot better then I have on her in a couple of years, but Monday I felt things going in a downward spiral so I just made her trot nicely around in each direction and then called it a day.

After that I gave her 4 days off, partially because I was busy, but mostly because I was nervous about getting back on her again, even though I hate to admit that. So yesterday I finally went back to the barn, and it was cold and it was super windy, and I'm thinking "Great, crappy weather, she's been off for 4 days, I'm going to die" But I swallowed the fear, and rode her anyway. She was really very good! We just did flat work, walk/trot and a couple of short canters. It wasn't a long ride but I wanted to end it on a good note!

Today I had a stellar ride!! She was great, had the best canter we've had in a very long time! When I started jumping she got super excited, and threw a hissy fit when I wouldn't let her take off toward the jump, but I worked through it and still managed to get over it beautifully. Then jumped it a couple more times and she was great!!

A big part of it is I'm finally learning how to ride her. I've had 4 different trainers since I bought Amber 7 years ago, and while all of them told me how to ride, none of them helped me learn how to ride Amber. She's a smart, sensitive horse and needs to be ridden a specific way. With the help of my new friend Megan (Who has been an absolute godsend to me and Amber) I am finally learning how to ride Amber effectively, get her through a spook or a temper tantrum, and ride her to bring out the best in her!

We were initially planning on going to a starter horse trial at the Kentucky horse park in the middle of October, but financial issues are keeping me from being able to compete. That's ok though it will give us more time to get ready for the next one!! Over all I'm just really happy and optimistic about Amber, for the first in a long time.

These are some pictures from our ride today!

Sit up, Relax, and LET GO

So much has been going on with the horse lately it's been crazy. I can't believe how far I've come in such a short amount of, Amber has been great, or honestly she's been the same as she's always been, I've gotten better. I met a friend down here in KY, her name is Megan and she has been a god send. She has helped me so much with Amber and my confidence issues. I know I still have a long way to go but honestly, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm finally on the right track with both of my horses.

Megan has not only gotten me feeling good about Amber but she's helping me with my riding too. I have starting cantering again and even jumping! I've also taken her out in the fields a couple of times, I honestly never thought I would be comfortable enough on her again to ride her out in an open field. I'm finally learning how to give up control with her, she gets super antsy if you hold her back, and I'm learning to push her forward and let her go when she gets in a mood. I'm honestly really hopeful that by the spring I'll be able to start showing her again, ultimate goal is to take her to a mini trial at the horse park! But I don't honestly know if I'll ever be brave enough to ride cross country, I guess we'll just have to see.

Rayna is doing really good! Still green, but improving. We've started cantering again, popping over small cross rails, and I even got her into the creek at the barn, which she actually enjoyed once she got over her initial "OMG I hate water". Rayna is still my relaxing, go to trail horse when I just need to breathe after a frustrating ride on Amber. But I was worried that I wouldn't have enough time for her if I'm concentrating on the other mare so much so I found this lovely girl, Emily, who is going to be 1/4 leasing her from me. It's a great situation and I really hope that it continues to work out for the both of them.

Riding Amber 2 days ago and watching a thunder storm rolling in 

First canter on Rayna since May

One Step Forward... Ten Steps Back...

Amber and I did not have a good ride today. I rode up to the indoor with Heather, and the indoor makes Amber nervous (or makes me nervous and in turn makes her nervous) Well we were up there for a bit and I just felt tense. So I asked Heather if we could go back down to the outdoor. So she left the indoor first and Amber followed well Amber started having a little temper tantrum that Heidi was walking away. I know I should have just relaxed and pushed her through it but instead I got tense and sucked back and took hold of her. So instead of continuing to go forward she started going backwards, sideways, throwing small bucks, and spinning. At that point my nerves were shot so I jumped off of her (which I know I should not have done, I understand this) and walked her the rest of the way to the outdoor where I lunged her for 5 minutes and then got back on and just walked her around for about 10 minutes focusing on relaxing and breathing, then rode her back down to the barn. I know that bad days happen but its days like this that make me wonderful if I'll ever get over my anxiety issues with Amber, and if we'll ever get back to where we used to be what seems like a million years ago...

I haven't spent much time with Rayna since she got to the barn. I'm hoping to spend some time with her tomorrow, depending on what time I end up getting to the barn. I'm not going to lie I am super nervous about getting back on her. I haven't ridden her in 2 months, easily. The last person on her was the owner of the last barn we were at, she was a star, I don't know why I'm so nervous about getting back on her. I got her a great new bit,  and a new saddle and I think we'll be ok I just need to buck up the courage and just freaking get on her!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I rode Amber again today! She was really good. I focused on being calm and relaxed in the saddle and we just worked on circles, loops, diagonals, and some legs yielding on a loose rein at the walk and trot. She was relaxed and responsive and I actually had a lot of fun riding her. On the way back down to the barn from the arena the horses in one of the fields started acting up and my first reaction was to tense up and expect her to act up. As soon as I tensed up she started getting jittery and nervous, so I took a deep breath, lengthened the reins and forced myself to relax, as soon as I did that she relaxed and walked happily the rest of the way to the barn.

I hope I'm doing the right thing, giving her yet another chance. Einstein said (supposedly) that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That means that this time I need to somehow do something differently so Amber and I don't keep falling back into the same pattern that we've been in for the last 4 or 5 years. She really is a good horse, and I really can handle her, I just need to learn to have more faith in her and more faith in myself.

In other exciting news Rayna has been picked up by my friend who is shipping her to Kentucky for me, she will be spending the night at my friends barn and they will be leaving tomorrow at the crack of dawn! Rayna should be arriving in Kentucky tomorrow evening! I'm excited! I've missed her and I can't wait to see her again. 

Courage is Being Scared to Death and Saddling up Anyway

So I did it, I got on Amber again. It's been months since I was on that horses back. And I'll admit it felt nice to be back on a horse that has some training under it's girth. The ride started out well enough, We rode from the bottom barn all the way to the indoor, she was forward and happy. Once we got to the indoor she was a little spooky but nothing bad, her spooks are easy enough to sit to. I started trotting figure eights and circles and serpentine's with her and got her nice and relaxed and on the bit. Then I made the mistake of asking her to canter, when neither of us were probably really ready to be cantering together again. She picked it up like a star, we did about half a circle and she did a small "I feel good" buck, and then broke gait back to a trot.

Naturally me being the chicken shit that I am, tensed up after that, and when I asked her to canter again she reacted to my tense body and tight grip on the reins by throwing her heading, jumping sideways and spinning. She hates when I hold her face like that, and I don't realize I'm doing it, its a natural reaction when I'm nervous. So we fell apart for a bit, then I got her trotting figure eights again and got her soft again at the trot. Then we went on a mini trail ride, she was up but good. I know I'm a good enough rider to handle her, I don't know why she makes me so nervous!

Yeah she can be a bit of a spazz sometimes, but with consistent work she really is a good, and fun horse to ride! She used to be fantastic, we used to have such a good relationship, and she never used to be spooky, I was trail riding her solo when she was 4 years old. I know in my heart her spooky behavior is a reflection of my spooky behavior, I really need to decide what I'm doing with this horse, I feel like at this point, after everything her and I have gone through, that it would be stupid to give up now. If I sold her and shopped for something else, I would be shopping for something just like her.

In other horsey news, Rayna will be here Saturday August 8, Her new saddle (A gorgeous 19" dressage saddle) was waiting for me when I got here on Saturday, I cannot wait to try it on her. I think going the dressage route with Rayna is smart (and of course some trail riding) Shes a good mover, and even if we never get past Intro it will still be a lot of fun. Her new bit should be arriving soon so I'll have everything ready when she arrives. I really can't wait for Rayna to get here, now that I have some real time to work with her! I need to get her back on track.

Don't Look Back... You're Not Going That Way

I find myself still looking back and thinking about Gus quite often. I still miss him a lot. He was the first since Phoenix that I felt 100% safe on and he reminded me so much of Phoenix, from his attitude to the way he moved, especially his canter. Alana's excuse for backing out on her promise to give him to me was that I was "too heavy" for him. Which I still think is complete bullshit. And many people agree with me. I think Alana was just being (excuse my language) a cunt. Now that poor animal is going to rot out in the back field, and be pulled out once a year for fair, and forced over a course even though he isn't in shape. He's walking on high heels, and he's never going to be properly taken care of, and it breaks my heart every single time I think about it. 

But I know I can't dwell in the past anymore. In one week I will be starting my brand new life in Kentucky and the past needs to finally be put to rest. And that includes my tendency to compare every single horse to Phoenix, because he was my first and maybe last heart horse and there will never be another one of him. 

I am also going to force myself to be braver. I'm a good rider, I know I am, I can handle a lot and I need to stop being nervous because that just makes everything 10x worse. I am bound and determined to ride at least 4x a week once I am in Kentucky, both mares if I do decided to give Amber another chance. Which is something I am actually really looking forward to. I had a dream the other night where I was riding Amber in the outdoor ring at Tamarack. We were schooling through lateral work and canter work, and all of the stuff that Rayna isn’t ready for yet. I woke up smiling, it made me really excited to get back on her when I get to Kentucky. This horse and I must be destined or something. Every time I try to sell her, or push her away or give her away she always ends up coming back to me. Maybe it’s time to push the fear aside, push the past aside, and buckle down and put some real honest to goodness work into this horse and see where it takes us!

Lots to Think About

I have not ridden my horse in over a month. I know, I know, not good at all. I'm not really sure what I haven't ridden her. She's been having some issues with mounting, and instead of working with her I've kind of shied away from her, and the longer I stayed off of her the more nervous I became about getting back on her. My friend got on her last week, and Rayna was stellar, she even rode her in spurs for the first time, it made me feel a lot better about getting back on her, which I will be doing on Friday! After watching Margarite ride her, I think my plans of doing dressage with her are still very much possible! She's a super nice mover!! My goal is to show her intro A at the horse park in the spring. I think it's totally doable! I just need to either lose weight or get a new dressage saddle because my ass eats the one I currently have, and that does not look good in the show ring, at all.

On the bright side her feet are looking so much better, her hinds are finally growing in well, just in time to find a new farrier in Kentucky. No more skin issues, no more mite issues, and her issues with being tacked and haltered are now minimal. Considering that I couldn't touch her face when I got her or put anything on her back without her panicking and trembling, I'm happy with her progress.

On another horse topic I have been thinking about buying a second horse so I can start jumping again, and have been told that it would be silly to buy another horse when I still have Amber (who is currently being leased by my best friend) who is perfectly capable of jumping and really doing anything I want her to do. Amber and I have such a mixed history I'm not really sure what I want to do. We feed off of each other and for reasons that I don't even understand 100% we make each other nervous. Once I get down to KY in a couple of weeks I'm going to start riding her again and see how it goes. I guess it can't hurt to give her one more shot! 

Band-aids Don't Fix Bullet Holes

"You're too fat to ride"
"You'll never be able to jump more the 2 foot because you're too heavy"
"You'll never place, let alone win in EQ or Hunter shows because of your weight"
"Someone your size will only ever be able to ride draft horses"

Growing up around horses I was told all of this and more. I have always been a big girl, tallest person in my class all through elementary school and most of middle school, and chubby to boot, I was teased a lot. Even now I'm a solid 6 feet tall and hovering around 275 at the moment. I will never be a "Skinny" person, a healthy weight for my height and build is between 190 and 200lbs, and my hips will never let me into a jean size below a 14. So even if I was at a healthy weight I would still be considered plus sized, heavy, overweight, etc by society and more specifically horse world standards.

When I was young I was always the big kid at the barn. My instructor was constantly telling me that I was too heavy. I remember one time she pulled me off of the pony I was riding in the middle of a lesson, brought me up to the house and made me get on the scale. I was probably 10 years old, it was horrible and embarrassing. I never did ride that pony again. And when I say pony I don't mean welsh or Shetland, this was a 14.2 solid built mustang. At the age of maybe 11 I was informed that because of my weight I was only able to ride 2 of the horses on the farm, an old QH thing and a draft cross, just those 2 out of like 25 horses. I was 11...

Now I know that trainer was extreme, and that if I had grown up riding somewhere else I probably wouldn't have gone through that kind of experience. But I did, and I'll tell you it did a number on my psyche, my self-image and my confidence on the horses. I was told that I would never be able to jump anything over 2 foot because I was too heavy. That I could ride in shows if I wanted to but I probably wouldn't place, let alone win, in the hunter or EQ classes because when I rode I didn't make a pretty picture, and that the only horses I would ever be able to ride would be drafts and draft crosses.

By the time I was 16 I started learning to stand up for myself. My parents bought me my first horse, and we didn't consult with my trainer at all (that really pissed her off). I ended up with a 17 year old solid red dunn appaloosa gelding named Phoenix. She hated him because he wasn't her idea of what I should ride. But I loved that horse more then anything, and I learned a whole lot from him. We kicked butt at local shows placing in and even winning EQ over fences and under saddle classes.

This is me and Phoenix the first year I had him

Phoenix and I at a show when I was 17

Phoenix was a once in a lifetime horse. We said goodbye to him about a year and a half ago at the age of 30. He gave me the confidence I needed to become the ride that I wanted to be, the rider that my first trainer didn't think I could be because of my size. I left that farm not long after to go to college, and never looked back. I have been the proud mom to some wonderful horses, and have done everything that that first trainer told me I couldn't do.I have jumped over 2', I have shown and won in EQ over fence classes, EQ under saddle classes, Hunter Classes and HUS classes.

Have most of my horses been drafts or crosses? Yes, but that is because I love draft horses, I have ridden paints, QHs, appaloosas, thoroughbreds, warmbloods,etc. Everything I went through when I was younger has pushed me to be the best rider that I can be for me. Do I have confidence issues sometimes? Of course, but I'll tell you it never has anything to do with my size. 

Never let other people get you down. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

If you want to jump, then jump.

If you want to do dressage, then do dressage. 

If you want to paint your horse like a rainbow unicorn and pretend your a fairy princess, then do it. Do what makes you happy. Do what you want. Do you. 

I grew up being told all the things I couldn't do because of my size. Never again. I can be who ever i want to be! 

Now I have this beautiful creature to love and train. We are going to go far, I know we will because I have faith in myself, faith in my abilities and faith in my horse. 

Moving On

So I am finally getting Rayna out of our current boarding situation and moving to a new barn that I am going to be working at. I'll just be boarding her there for the summer but it's going to be a much much better environment then where we are now. Things at my current barn have been going downhill. I haven't really trusted the barn owner since she pulled out of the deal we made that involved me bringing Gus the mule to Kentucky with me. Telling someone that they can have an animal they love and then ripping it away is absolutely heartbreaking, that causes a scar that will never truly heal. Saying goodbye to Gus broke my heart. Ever since that things have been different at the barn even strained, just not a happy environment. I did make sure I got a bill of sale for Rayna (never got one when I first bought her) just in case.

The new barn is really nice. Beautiful barn, large outdoor arena and 100 acres of trails. Rayna will have a stall at the new barn (shes's on field board now) which I think will be great for her. It's a quiet barn and most of the time I'll just be left alone to do my thing, which I love. The girl Im going to be working for also mentioned that I could work with her boyfriend paint x draft cross if I wanted to, his name is Webster, and he jumps, Rayna doesn't, I'm really excited to jump again! Hehe

I haven't been riding a whole lot, Rayna's hind feet have been iffy, she stomped them to bits when she had mites and they have been slow to improve much at all. I've found that she got a little sore behind when I rode her because of how unevenly she was putting weight on those hind feet and she would occasionally have a bit of heat and swelling in her right hind ankle. She's been on a combo supplement that includes hooves for about 2 months now, and I recently started her on an expensive but effective hoof hardener, which is definitely working, her hind feet are definitely starting to grow, the farrier even sees improvement!! So I'm going to start riding her again lightly, and I'll stay in grass or sand, no gravel or pavement or rocky woods for awhile.

I really cannot wait to move to Kentucky. I miss having friends to ride with, and I know that my friend Heather could really use me around. We're both lonely at the barn a lot of the time, and both dealing with barn drama. I want to be with her so I can help her and at the same time have someone with me when I ride, Riding alone just plain sucks.

Halt at X and Salute

Well the past few weeks have been a whirlwind! I went to Kentucky last week and spent 5 days there. We looked at property (and put an offer in on a house!!), went to Rolex, and just generally had an amazing time! We will hopefully be closing on the new house in the beginning of June, and I will be moving to the beautiful bluegrass state at the end of August. I am thrilled, and excited, and terrified beyond belief. Everything I have ever known is here in New York and I am leaving it all on a whim to follow my dreams of living in Kentucky. I'm a horse person, so what better place to be then in horse country!

Rayna was doing fantastic before I left, and today was my first ride back on her since I got home on Monday, and she was still fantastic! We are now incorporating one short canter in each direction into every ride, she still doesn't turn at the canter yet, but her 20 meter trot circles are improving a lot! I think she'll be ready for an intro A dressage show by the end of summer. Today I even got her to trot off from a halt. I need to get her responding better to my seat and the bridle when I ask for downward transitions, she is kind of voice trained and stops beautifully when I tell her to with my voice, but I can't really do that in the dressage arena.

Her legs are looking good, I need to give her one more round of ivermectin. She is currently in heat so the backs of her hind legs are nasty, and she hates baths because there is no option for warm water on the farm (which is super annoying) so scrubbing her legs is always an adventure. I have been doing all of my riding in my AP saddle because honestly I have gained weight since I bought my new dressage saddle and Im afraid my ass is going to eat it next time I sit in it. Plus I don't have any stirrups for it. But I know I need to start working her in the dressage saddle and bridle. Especially since I just bought an awesome pink camo dressage pad at the KY horse park to use with it.

Heres a quick video of her 3rd canter ever! She's such a super start!

Keep Moving Forward...

Raynas legs are doing wonderfully. If I didn't mention it before, she has mites on her hind legs, they were covered in sores from her biting at them, but now after beginning to treat with ivermectin and a sulfur/lime dip they look worlds better. She has to be in until all of the sores and scabs on her legs have healed and she's stocking up a bit so I need to go up there every day and ride her around to keep her legs down. I had a very lovely ride on her today, we just walked around the farm for about 25 minutes and explored. It was misting out but bearable and she was a saint. Of course as soon as I got off of her it started downpouring! Guess I have good timing!

Once her legs are 100% we're going to start low level dressage training, and start doing a lot of work out in the fields up and down the hills to start building up her top line. Things at the barn are better, I'm still sad about how everything went down with Gus, but after thinking long and hard about it, maybe it is all for the best. It will give me the opportunity to concentrate 100% on Rayna, and she needs the work and she needs my attention. Hopefully when I work the trails for Alana this summer I will be able to work right off of Rayna, I just don't want to get attached to anymore of her horses since I'm leaving in just 5 short months.

Some photos from our ride today!

HeartBroken... Changing the WHOLE blog

I have had the worst couple of days... Ever. First of all I am not taking Gus to Kentucky with me, I no longer have the option of keeping him and it's absolutely breaking my heart. I'm not going to go into details about what happened... but I'm heartbroken, completely and totally heartbroken. So he will no longer be a part of this blog... From now on it will focus mostly on my Clydesdale, Rayna, and my journey with her. 

She's in right now, she had sores on her back legs and after consulting the vet twice and having her take scrapings of Raynas legs we discovered that she has mites. The vet shaved her hind legs to take the scrapings so we need to wait until all open sores are healed before she can go outside in the mud. Once I can take her in the mud I'm going to start getting her back into shape. The plan is long walks (like 45 min to an hour) under saddle over the fields and hills for like a month before we even start trot work. I ordered her a new custom dressage pad which will look so awesome on her. And I will eventually start her dressage training, hopefully by late summer. Just low level stuff, walk/trot, leg yields, bending, etc. And I'm going to do it all on my own, at least until I move, I'm done relying on the people around here at the barn. They are frustrating me to the EXTREME. I used to love that place but now it's like sometimes I just can't wait to leave! 

I also put Rayna on new grain and new supplements. Shes on Purina Enrich Plus to help put on some weight and muscle. I also put her on SmartCombo which is a supplement that focuses on Skin & Coat, Hooves, Joints and Digestion. I love this horse so much, she's really a wonderful horse. I am beyond tired of the bullshit at the barn and from now on I'm just focusing on my horse and not caring about anything else that goes on there. It's not my concern anymore. In 5 months I will be out of new york, in Kentucky, and starting my new life!!! 

She is not him...

I have been making a big mistake with one of my horses without even realizing it, but it all came out the other night! I have been unknowingly and subconsciously comparing Amber to my old horse Phoenix. Amber and I have issues with our relationship, she knows she makes me nervous. I anticipate her behavior, she feeds off of me and ends up doing exactly what I expected her to do because I basically made her do it. I had a particularly bad ride on her the other night. I rode her in the indoor at night for the first time. It's kind of dark, lots of rustling and noises from the horses on the other half of the indoor, but they're hard to see. Amber was nervous. I kept anticipating her being bad, every time we went past a "spooky spot" I would tense, and the ride just kept getting worse and worse...

I was at my wits end, I stopped her and got off and my boyfriend asked me what was wrong, and without even realizing what I was saying I said "She's not Phoenix." And then I stopped and thought about what I had just said. Have I subconsciously been comparing her to Phoenix this whole time? Do I get so frustrated with her because she's not him? Have all of our issues been on my end? Sure she's a mare with her own mind, but we've been slowly falling apart more and more over the years, I get more frustrated she reads into me more and we just keep falling further and further apart.

I love this horse. If I didn't I would have sold her a long time ago. But I have tried, I can't do it, I just can't. I broke down the last time I tried, crying on the boyfriends shoulder that I was selling my best friend. I love this horse. But I need to figure out how to let her be her. I can't keep trying to make her something that she is not. Phoenix was an amazing once in a life time horse, but that doesn't mean that Amber isn't. She's just a different horse, she's NOT Phoenix, she IS Amber and I need to learn to trust her!

Snow Snow Go Away

I am so over winter.

Over it.

Everything is frozen. The only place to ride is in the indoor. I am tired of riding in circles, the horses are tired of trotting in circles. I want to trail ride!!

Today was the first time I've been able to get Amber and Rayna up to the barn in like 3 weeks because of the snow! I let them run around in the indoor and get some energy out since it's too snowy and icy out in the field to run around!

I also got brave and decided to jump on Amber bareback, even though she hasn't been ridden in about a month. I'm working really hard on learning to trust her. I love that horse and I want us to be able to trust eachother. 

I'm planning on hopefully riding both of them for real on Friday and over the weekend. They haven't gotten real workouts in awhile, I really need to start getting them back into shape if I'm going to show them this spring/summer. I really want the snow to melt so I can start working them out in the fields up and down hills, it would be great for them. Gus too! 

Speaking of Gus. I swear he knows what my car sounds like, because without fail, when I get to the barn, he is up at the gate somewhere waiting for me to say hi! I brought him in today for a bit, and gave him some love but didn't really do anything with him. 

And just a couple pictures of the girls out in their field.