Looking Ahead! Hello 2016!

Well since we're only 4 days away from the new year I figured it was time to gather my thoughts and right down my horse goals for 2016.


Rayna: 

• Be more consistent in our rides. We will never accomplish any of our other goals if I can't get out there and ride her 4 to 5 days a week. 
• Get her feathers back to looking nice again and keep them that way this time to prevent scratches and other issues
• Get her bending and using her hind end consistently instead of her just rushing through the bridle when asked to turn or change gait. 
• Continue working on her mounting issues and fear of objects being put on her back. She was doing really well with consistent work but then I slacked off and the difference is obvious. 
• Ride her in 2 schooling and 1 recognized dressage show, riding in Intro A and/or Intro B

Penny: 

• Get her back in shape slowly. 
• Get shoes back on her and start getting her feet back in good shape
• Show her in a schooling show in the summer on the flat.
• Have her ready to take her to octoberfest at the horse park in either the green as grass combined test or a green starter horse trial. 

Sabrina: 

• Teach her to stand on crossties
• Teach her to stand for the farrier
• Figure out what she knows and what she doesn't. She'll be starting professional training as of the beginning of January, so we'll take it from there.
• Begin trail riding her.

The Little Red Mare who Changed my World

On a warm April day some 4 years ago I took my big bay Percheron cross Amber for a ride like I'd done a thousand times in the 3 years I'd owned her. The ride started well like any other, she was being fabulous! We picked up the canter, got half way around the arena and suddenly my horse wasn't underneath me anymore, she lost her footing, she couldn't catch herself and she went down, She threw me forward and flipped. When we landed I was laying on the ground with her hind legs flailing over my head. I rolled out from underneath her and went and made sure she was ok. We were both ok. She had some scrapes on her nose and face, my chest and stomach were scraped up but there was no lasting damage, at least I didn't think there was. I didn't know at that point that when I hit the ground that day, something did break, something that no doctor, or rest, or medicine could heal. That day when my horse fell out from underneath me and my body hit the dirt, my confidence broke, my faith in myself broke, they snapped right in half, and my love for horses now had some cracks as well.

It wasn't my first fall, and it wasn't my last, and I've asked myself many times over the last few years, why that fall? Why was that the moment that everything started to go south? Why was that the straw that broke the camels back? Why that fall? And I may never know... But I do know that moment not only ripped my confidence apart, it damaged the relationship I had with that horse beyond repair. I fought it out with her for 3 more years, we had some decent moments together but mostly we fed off of each other and our rides got worse and worse. It got so bad at one point, and my nerves were so shot that if she gave even the smallest sign that she was possibly thinking of spooking at something I would have a full blown anxiety attack and get off of her crying. I would go for weeks or months without riding, I didn't enjoy it anymore, I was starting to fall out of love with horses.

Then a year ago a new equine came into my life. She was a big beautiful registered Clydesdale with a white face, a roman nose and 4 perfect white feathered legs. Rayna was the very definition of my dream horse, she perfect, and she was totally untrained in the ways of riding she had been an Amish broodmare and then a driving horse... I bought her anyway. Maybe not the smartest move for someone with such severe confidence issues, but something about that mare started to heal me. She had her share of issues for sure but I found myself more willing to go to the barn and be with the horses then I had been in a long time. Unfortunately while that mare started to heal my love for horses, working with her was having a damaging effect on my faith in my own abilities, no matter what I did she really wasn't improving, I was losing faith in myself again and once again found myself going to the barn less and less. Plus I still had Amber and I was still completely uncertain about what to do with her,

About 5 months ago I moved from my home in New York to the beautiful bluegrass state of Kentucky. Little did I know that moving would be the first step in finding Amber her human soulmate and finding me my Horsey soulmate. Amber is now living the life with my good friend Megan who is helping the mare reach her full potential, something I had never been able to do. They are doing fabulous together and are a force to be reckoned with, and I, well I am perfectly happy to watch them from the sidelines and cheer then on!!

As for me I was still struggling between loving horses and being afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, and afraid of not being good enough to accomplish my goals. Then a little over a month ago I was approached by a woman who was desperate to find a home for a horse who was going to be put down if no one would take her. The horse was a 19 year old chestnut appendix QH mare named Penny. She was arthritic, she was horribly out of shape and she hadn't been ridden in over 2 years. Her owners were older, the man was ill and they could no longer care for her. They didn't want to send her off to an unknown fate so if they couldn't find the perfect home for her they were going to have her humanely euthanized. I really wasn't in a position to take on another horse I already had my clydesdale and my mule that I had recently rescued from a kill pen. But I couldn't get that little red mare off of my mind. Finally after lots of thinking I agreed to take her on a temporary basis and find her a good home.

Penny arrived 3 weeks ago. And the amount of healing I've done in those 3 weeks nothing short of a miracle. That little red mare has changed my world. I finally have a horse that I trust 110% and I can feel my confidence starting to stitch itself back together, I can feel my faith becoming whole again. She's filling the cracks in my love for horses that were put there the day me and Amber hit the ground. I am falling in love with horses all over again. This little red mare and I have spent so much time walking around and exploring, shes very out of shape, I'm very out of shape and we're taking it slow, almost 3 weeks of riding 4 to 5 times a week and we just started small trots during our rides. She is still quite stiff and has been started on joint and hoof supplements which will take some time to get in to her body and start working, But she's getting there.

I am also riding Rayna again and I feel far better about her and my abilities to train her then I ever have. Even when she tried to buck my butt off at the caner yesterday it didn't phase me and we just kept on working. Last night at dusk I rode Penny bareback out to her field, and my friend commented that in that light I looked like I was back on my first horse, Phoenix (my equine soulmate) again. Bareback rides at dusk were one of my favorite things to do with Phoenix and in that moment I knew, I knew that Penny had been sent to me to heal me. Maybe Phoenix sent her, or my Nana, but that horse surely was sent by angels somewhere, I'm excited to go to the barn again, I'm excited about my future with them again. I want to show Rayna, I'm excited instead of anxious about training her. I love horses again and I owe it all to a little red mare named Penny who showed up in my life at just the right time.

We've Come This Far, Don't You Be Scared Now....

Well things have been going really well with Amber, and I figured it was about time I updated!! Last Sunday we had an outstanding ride, absolutely outstanding. Amber was responsive, light, and listening. I felt comfortable and confident, it was wonderful! Then monday rolls around and I go to ride her again, but this time it was a completely less then stellar ride. She was agitated and spooky, I tried to ride it out as best I could but I could feel myself getting agitated and spooky. And when I get nervous I lean forward, or pull on her face, or tense up really bad. I've been doing a lot better lately, and I mean a lot better then I have on her in a couple of years, but Monday I felt things going in a downward spiral so I just made her trot nicely around in each direction and then called it a day.

After that I gave her 4 days off, partially because I was busy, but mostly because I was nervous about getting back on her again, even though I hate to admit that. So yesterday I finally went back to the barn, and it was cold and it was super windy, and I'm thinking "Great, crappy weather, she's been off for 4 days, I'm going to die" But I swallowed the fear, and rode her anyway. She was really very good! We just did flat work, walk/trot and a couple of short canters. It wasn't a long ride but I wanted to end it on a good note!

Today I had a stellar ride!! She was great, had the best canter we've had in a very long time! When I started jumping she got super excited, and threw a hissy fit when I wouldn't let her take off toward the jump, but I worked through it and still managed to get over it beautifully. Then jumped it a couple more times and she was great!!

A big part of it is I'm finally learning how to ride her. I've had 4 different trainers since I bought Amber 7 years ago, and while all of them told me how to ride, none of them helped me learn how to ride Amber. She's a smart, sensitive horse and needs to be ridden a specific way. With the help of my new friend Megan (Who has been an absolute godsend to me and Amber) I am finally learning how to ride Amber effectively, get her through a spook or a temper tantrum, and ride her to bring out the best in her!

We were initially planning on going to a starter horse trial at the Kentucky horse park in the middle of October, but financial issues are keeping me from being able to compete. That's ok though it will give us more time to get ready for the next one!! Over all I'm just really happy and optimistic about Amber, for the first in a long time.

These are some pictures from our ride today!

Sit up, Relax, and LET GO

So much has been going on with the horse lately it's been crazy. I can't believe how far I've come in such a short amount of, Amber has been great, or honestly she's been the same as she's always been, I've gotten better. I met a friend down here in KY, her name is Megan and she has been a god send. She has helped me so much with Amber and my confidence issues. I know I still have a long way to go but honestly, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm finally on the right track with both of my horses.

Megan has not only gotten me feeling good about Amber but she's helping me with my riding too. I have starting cantering again and even jumping! I've also taken her out in the fields a couple of times, I honestly never thought I would be comfortable enough on her again to ride her out in an open field. I'm finally learning how to give up control with her, she gets super antsy if you hold her back, and I'm learning to push her forward and let her go when she gets in a mood. I'm honestly really hopeful that by the spring I'll be able to start showing her again, ultimate goal is to take her to a mini trial at the horse park! But I don't honestly know if I'll ever be brave enough to ride cross country, I guess we'll just have to see.

Rayna is doing really good! Still green, but improving. We've started cantering again, popping over small cross rails, and I even got her into the creek at the barn, which she actually enjoyed once she got over her initial "OMG I hate water". Rayna is still my relaxing, go to trail horse when I just need to breathe after a frustrating ride on Amber. But I was worried that I wouldn't have enough time for her if I'm concentrating on the other mare so much so I found this lovely girl, Emily, who is going to be 1/4 leasing her from me. It's a great situation and I really hope that it continues to work out for the both of them.

Riding Amber 2 days ago and watching a thunder storm rolling in 

First canter on Rayna since May

One Step Forward... Ten Steps Back...

Amber and I did not have a good ride today. I rode up to the indoor with Heather, and the indoor makes Amber nervous (or makes me nervous and in turn makes her nervous) Well we were up there for a bit and I just felt tense. So I asked Heather if we could go back down to the outdoor. So she left the indoor first and Amber followed well Amber started having a little temper tantrum that Heidi was walking away. I know I should have just relaxed and pushed her through it but instead I got tense and sucked back and took hold of her. So instead of continuing to go forward she started going backwards, sideways, throwing small bucks, and spinning. At that point my nerves were shot so I jumped off of her (which I know I should not have done, I understand this) and walked her the rest of the way to the outdoor where I lunged her for 5 minutes and then got back on and just walked her around for about 10 minutes focusing on relaxing and breathing, then rode her back down to the barn. I know that bad days happen but its days like this that make me wonderful if I'll ever get over my anxiety issues with Amber, and if we'll ever get back to where we used to be what seems like a million years ago...

I haven't spent much time with Rayna since she got to the barn. I'm hoping to spend some time with her tomorrow, depending on what time I end up getting to the barn. I'm not going to lie I am super nervous about getting back on her. I haven't ridden her in 2 months, easily. The last person on her was the owner of the last barn we were at, she was a star, I don't know why I'm so nervous about getting back on her. I got her a great new bit,  and a new saddle and I think we'll be ok I just need to buck up the courage and just freaking get on her!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I rode Amber again today! She was really good. I focused on being calm and relaxed in the saddle and we just worked on circles, loops, diagonals, and some legs yielding on a loose rein at the walk and trot. She was relaxed and responsive and I actually had a lot of fun riding her. On the way back down to the barn from the arena the horses in one of the fields started acting up and my first reaction was to tense up and expect her to act up. As soon as I tensed up she started getting jittery and nervous, so I took a deep breath, lengthened the reins and forced myself to relax, as soon as I did that she relaxed and walked happily the rest of the way to the barn.

I hope I'm doing the right thing, giving her yet another chance. Einstein said (supposedly) that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That means that this time I need to somehow do something differently so Amber and I don't keep falling back into the same pattern that we've been in for the last 4 or 5 years. She really is a good horse, and I really can handle her, I just need to learn to have more faith in her and more faith in myself.

In other exciting news Rayna has been picked up by my friend who is shipping her to Kentucky for me, she will be spending the night at my friends barn and they will be leaving tomorrow at the crack of dawn! Rayna should be arriving in Kentucky tomorrow evening! I'm excited! I've missed her and I can't wait to see her again. 

Courage is Being Scared to Death and Saddling up Anyway

So I did it, I got on Amber again. It's been months since I was on that horses back. And I'll admit it felt nice to be back on a horse that has some training under it's girth. The ride started out well enough, We rode from the bottom barn all the way to the indoor, she was forward and happy. Once we got to the indoor she was a little spooky but nothing bad, her spooks are easy enough to sit to. I started trotting figure eights and circles and serpentine's with her and got her nice and relaxed and on the bit. Then I made the mistake of asking her to canter, when neither of us were probably really ready to be cantering together again. She picked it up like a star, we did about half a circle and she did a small "I feel good" buck, and then broke gait back to a trot.

Naturally me being the chicken shit that I am, tensed up after that, and when I asked her to canter again she reacted to my tense body and tight grip on the reins by throwing her heading, jumping sideways and spinning. She hates when I hold her face like that, and I don't realize I'm doing it, its a natural reaction when I'm nervous. So we fell apart for a bit, then I got her trotting figure eights again and got her soft again at the trot. Then we went on a mini trail ride, she was up but good. I know I'm a good enough rider to handle her, I don't know why she makes me so nervous!

Yeah she can be a bit of a spazz sometimes, but with consistent work she really is a good, and fun horse to ride! She used to be fantastic, we used to have such a good relationship, and she never used to be spooky, I was trail riding her solo when she was 4 years old. I know in my heart her spooky behavior is a reflection of my spooky behavior, I really need to decide what I'm doing with this horse, I feel like at this point, after everything her and I have gone through, that it would be stupid to give up now. If I sold her and shopped for something else, I would be shopping for something just like her.

In other horsey news, Rayna will be here Saturday August 8, Her new saddle (A gorgeous 19" dressage saddle) was waiting for me when I got here on Saturday, I cannot wait to try it on her. I think going the dressage route with Rayna is smart (and of course some trail riding) Shes a good mover, and even if we never get past Intro it will still be a lot of fun. Her new bit should be arriving soon so I'll have everything ready when she arrives. I really can't wait for Rayna to get here, now that I have some real time to work with her! I need to get her back on track.