Where Do We Go From Here...

I've been thinking a lot about the horses lately, and it's occurred to me recently that maybe I have bitten off more then I can chew with them... I don't have as much time with the horses as I would like these days and with school coming up it's just going to get that much harder. The horses are my whole world and there is nothing I would love more then to become the rider I have always dreamed of being. I go to HITs and watch, I own a large collection of Eventing DVD's, I have my DVR set to record anything under the category of Equestrian. I watch all of these amazing teams, competing over meter 60 grand prix courses, doing canter pirouettes, jumping over solid tables that are wider then I am tall, and it makes me sad, it makes me question why I've put the last 24 years of my life into horses and haven't gotten any better, have never gotten past 2'3 jumps, have never ridden a cross country course or competed above a schooling level.

Then I look at my horses. I love them, I really do. But do I have the proper time to give them all what they need to get them all where they are capable of being? No, I don't. I have all of these goals for myself and the horses, but I also have school, I have work, I have dogs, and friends and a world outside of horses. Finding time for everything is difficult. Finding time for 4 horses is even more difficult. So I find myself at an impasse, do I try and make all of this work? Do I cut down on the number of horses I need to worry about? Do I give up my hopes of showing Penny and Rayna to focus on the much more promising horses I own in Albus and Jackson? Do I let Ollie be completely responsible for Penny and let Matt (who leases Rayna) be completely responsible for her until the time he doesn't want to lease her anymore? And then do I sell her?

There are so many unanswered questions and as I sit here typing I'm not really sure where do go from here. I don't know what to do. On Friday morning I'm trailing Jackson down to my trainers barn, she's going to ride him and see what she thinks and if he's worth continuing on with, I feel like he is, but he also makes me a bit nervous for absolutely no reason.  Ugh I don't know where I'm going with this blog entry at this point so I'm just going to end it here...

Losing Weight is NOT Your Life's Purpose

I've been thinking a lot about weight loss lately. I've been feeling worse about myself then usual and I'm not sure why. I've actually lost weight recently, and I've definitely been taking small steps to eating and being healthier. But... I had a realization this weekend. I went on a Hunter Pace, it was 10 miles long and the first one I've done (at a steady trot/canter pace the whole way) since I was 18 and that was 13 years ago. I was in much better shape then. The hunter pace was 2 days ago and I can still barely move. Every part of my body hurts. That pain has made be realize that, sure, losing weight is great but being in proper physical shape is far more important.

I want to be an eventer. I don't care if thats crazy, I don't care if I'm too old and too fat to pursue that dream... I'm going to anyway. I don't care if I don't have perfect horses or expensive training, I know I can do it. In order to accomplish that goal though I need to be stronger. I need to be able to canter/gallop over a cross country course with jumps accurately and effectively and right now I can't even canter in a field for 2 minutes straight without my legs cramping. From now on I'm not going to worry about the number on the scale, I'm going to focus on getting stronger for my horses and being a more effective and capable rider.

It doesn't matter if you're a size 2 or a size 22. If you're 130 or 300 pounds, as long as you love horses and you're committed to being the best rider that you can be for them, that's all that matters. Below is a photo of Albus and I at the hunter pace! I think we're starting to look the part of a real team, I think he's going to love eventing as much as I do!

It's Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I've updated this blog, almost 2 years to be exact which is crazy because I used to be so diligent about it! A lot has happened in the past couple of years, I can't write about all of it because it will take all night to type it out. The most important things to note are that I moved back to New York, I have an outstanding new boyfriend, and I have 2 new horses but I'm minus one mule. I'm still finding it very difficult to find time for all of my horses, and it's really frustrating me. I wish I could just ride all day but I do have to make money for my equine addiction and I made the terrifying decision to go back to school in January so I have that to look forward to as well.

I bought 2 new horses in the last 5 months. The first is a big white Percheron cross named Albus. He used to be a carriage horse. He was scared everything when I got him, especially scared of the sound of a whip. He has small thin scars on his face, and is entirely a huge emotional train wreck. He is also the most wonderful, fluffy, amazing creature I have ever know (maybe with the exception of my Phoenix) If I don't see him for more then a couple days he throws a hissy fit, he'll sulk in his stall and won't eat until I come and see him. I took him on his first hunter pace yesterday and he was an absolute super star! He's my heart horse.

My second newest equine acquisition is a big, skinny, bay thoroughbred named Jackson who I kind of bought on a whim. I bought him from the people who own the barn that I board at, they got him as a skin and bones rescue about 6 months ago. He's lovely under saddle, has some behavioral issues on the ground, specifically panicking and running backwards when girthed. He has no back muscle and very high withers that show the scars of a previously ill fitting saddle. I'm sure his intense reaction to being girthed has a lot to do with expecting pain, because thats when the pain used to come. My eventual goal for him is the hunter ring in a year or two but for now we're doing a lot of lunging and hill work to build muscle.