Don't Look Back... You're Not Going That Way

I find myself still looking back and thinking about Gus quite often. I still miss him a lot. He was the first since Phoenix that I felt 100% safe on and he reminded me so much of Phoenix, from his attitude to the way he moved, especially his canter. Alana's excuse for backing out on her promise to give him to me was that I was "too heavy" for him. Which I still think is complete bullshit. And many people agree with me. I think Alana was just being (excuse my language) a cunt. Now that poor animal is going to rot out in the back field, and be pulled out once a year for fair, and forced over a course even though he isn't in shape. He's walking on high heels, and he's never going to be properly taken care of, and it breaks my heart every single time I think about it. 

But I know I can't dwell in the past anymore. In one week I will be starting my brand new life in Kentucky and the past needs to finally be put to rest. And that includes my tendency to compare every single horse to Phoenix, because he was my first and maybe last heart horse and there will never be another one of him. 

I am also going to force myself to be braver. I'm a good rider, I know I am, I can handle a lot and I need to stop being nervous because that just makes everything 10x worse. I am bound and determined to ride at least 4x a week once I am in Kentucky, both mares if I do decided to give Amber another chance. Which is something I am actually really looking forward to. I had a dream the other night where I was riding Amber in the outdoor ring at Tamarack. We were schooling through lateral work and canter work, and all of the stuff that Rayna isn’t ready for yet. I woke up smiling, it made me really excited to get back on her when I get to Kentucky. This horse and I must be destined or something. Every time I try to sell her, or push her away or give her away she always ends up coming back to me. Maybe it’s time to push the fear aside, push the past aside, and buckle down and put some real honest to goodness work into this horse and see where it takes us!

Lots to Think About

I have not ridden my horse in over a month. I know, I know, not good at all. I'm not really sure what I haven't ridden her. She's been having some issues with mounting, and instead of working with her I've kind of shied away from her, and the longer I stayed off of her the more nervous I became about getting back on her. My friend got on her last week, and Rayna was stellar, she even rode her in spurs for the first time, it made me feel a lot better about getting back on her, which I will be doing on Friday! After watching Margarite ride her, I think my plans of doing dressage with her are still very much possible! She's a super nice mover!! My goal is to show her intro A at the horse park in the spring. I think it's totally doable! I just need to either lose weight or get a new dressage saddle because my ass eats the one I currently have, and that does not look good in the show ring, at all.

On the bright side her feet are looking so much better, her hinds are finally growing in well, just in time to find a new farrier in Kentucky. No more skin issues, no more mite issues, and her issues with being tacked and haltered are now minimal. Considering that I couldn't touch her face when I got her or put anything on her back without her panicking and trembling, I'm happy with her progress.

On another horse topic I have been thinking about buying a second horse so I can start jumping again, and have been told that it would be silly to buy another horse when I still have Amber (who is currently being leased by my best friend) who is perfectly capable of jumping and really doing anything I want her to do. Amber and I have such a mixed history I'm not really sure what I want to do. We feed off of each other and for reasons that I don't even understand 100% we make each other nervous. Once I get down to KY in a couple of weeks I'm going to start riding her again and see how it goes. I guess it can't hurt to give her one more shot!